翻译练习：西塞罗的pro Caelio

石工 · 发表于 2016-8-11 00:31:00

你的应该是从拉丁文直接翻译过来的吧，我用塔夫茨大学的1891年的C.D.Yonge英文译本做底，试着翻译了一下第一段。大概比了一下，觉得英文版本还是功夫很扎实的，离原文不太远，这和西方文明的传承也有关系。但译成中文，就有一个文化差异太大的问题，完全按顺序来，总是觉得不太顺；以整句为单位，调节一下各个分句的顺序，就流畅一些。先前看《汉译名著》的时候，就觉得太累；现在再读，还是累。这可能也影响了西方经典在中文世界的传播。

各位审判员们，如果有一位先生，对我们的法律规程和风俗习惯全然无知，现在偶然来到这里；那么，他必定会困惑：眼前这件案子，性质到底有多严重，罪行到底有多深重，才必须在大众节庆娱乐的日子里，所有其它案子都暂停的时候，被单独拿出来审理？他无疑会认为，这个受审的罪犯必定犯下了滔天大罪，审判一刻都不能耽搁，否则国将不国。这位先生如果了解到，对于刁顽民众犯上作乱、执械聚众、围攻元老院、施暴行政官、攻击宪政体制，我们的法律规定，审讯将即日进行；他会认为这样的法律毫无问题。但是他会问，现在法庭上到底是什么罪行？他会了解到，这场审判的对象，根本就没有罪行、没有不敬、没有暴力，只是一位才华卓越、工作勤奋、众人爱戴的年轻人；他过去曾起诉过弹劾者（阿特拉提努斯）的父亲，而且目前还在起诉此人；而这位年轻人受到攻击，是一个娼妇施加影响力的结果。这位旁观者不会质疑阿特拉提努斯的孝心，但他会认为，这个女人的恶欲理应得到遏制。他还会认为诸位审判员实在劳碌，就算普天下都在休息的时候，你们也不得停歇。

If any one, O judges, were now present by any chance, ignorant of our laws, and of our judicial proceedings, and of our customs, he would in truth wonder what great atrocity there is in this particular cause of so serious a nature, as to cause this trial alone to be proceeded with during these days of festival and public games, when all other forensic business is interrupted; and he would not doubt that a criminal was being prosecuted for a crime of such enormity, that, if it were neglected, though but for a moment, the state could no longer stand upright. If the same man were to hear that there is a law which orders daily investigations to take place about seditious and wicked citizens, who may have taken arms and besieged the senate or offered violence to the magistrates, or attacked the constitution, he would find no fault with the law, but he would inquire what is the crime which is now before the court; and when he heard that there was no crime at all, no audacity, no deed of violence which was the subject of this present action, but that a young man of eminent abilities, and industry, and popularity is impeached by the son of that man whom he himself prosecutes and has prosecuted and that he is attacked owing to the influence of a prostitute, he would not find fault with the filial affection of Atratinus, but he would think it right to curb the lust of the woman, and he would think you the judges a really laborious race, when you are not allowed to be at rest at a time of universal rest to every one else.

石工 · 发表于 2016-8-11 10:26:08

本帖最后由石工于 2016-8-11 10:33 编辑

dynthia 发表于 2016-8-11 03:46( H, S7 R$ Y5 a' T# c8 j
我是从拉丁文翻译的，从旧书店买了R.G. Austin的校注本之后觉得单单阅读不如试着翻译一下可以理解得更好 ...

这一段从语句到用词确实都更通顺，是不是开篇的时候为了追求不同凡响的效果，文辞华丽，后头就比较平直？

我试着翻译了一下第十段的中间几句，和你的有些出入。

“然而我们都知道，也亲眼见过，他们曾经结交。是呀，谁会否认呢？但现在，我要为他当时的行为辩护；那个人生阶段，年轻人血气未定，很容易为他人的激情所左右。”

But we know, and we ourselves saw after that, that he was one of his friends. Well, who denies it? But I am at this moment engaged in defending his conduct at that period of life, which is of itself unsteady and very liable to be at the mercy of the passions of others.

从语气上，“friends”和“结交”不含褒贬，较为中性，“朋党”就比较有倾向性，不知道原文有无这种褒贬。但从辩护的角度说，似乎中性更加符合当事人的利益。

另外，第九段译文中的“花样年华”，用“花季”似乎更为简约。这涉及到中文成语在翻译中的应用，带来便利的同时，也不可避免地引入本身在使用中沉淀下来的文化色彩，“花样年华”已经被玩烂了，很容易联想到张曼玉的旗袍。
仅供参考。

石工 · 发表于 2016-8-12 10:42:56

dynthia 发表于 2016-8-12 04:10$ C8 i% [2 ?* W$ Y: w. I% w
这几段原文的遣词造句是要平实一些，下面新的几段就又有点不好把握了。- b- F" C8 g8 ?- L2 o" J* Y- R

4 ?+ L8 ]5 p: w5 R; Y# z+ d您“血气未定”的翻译很好，我现 ...

这个原文有点像打拍子，强强弱弱，不能老是绷着，弄得听众过分紧张，但也不能一路松垮垮的，提不起劲头。段落之间是这样，开头强，中间平缓，这几段又强起来了。段落内部也是这样。

我简单翻了第十六段，觉得西塞罗的排比递进象是连珠炮，很是给力。至少在英文版里通过倒装，用"never,nor，Nor"领头的三个句子能够清晰地体现出三个否定句的强弱关系，，中文直译按照SVO结构，就出不来这种气势。只能勉强用“绝不，也不，更不”的“强-弱-强”句式来模拟。我不知道原文中是不是存在这种关系，还是英译者加上去的。等你的译文出来了，我再献丑。

石工 · 发表于 2016-8-13 04:50:15

本帖最后由石工于 2016-8-13 05:00 编辑

dynthia 发表于 2016-8-13 01:45
* N/ X4 W; p" r2 E/ r8 {4 n没错，下面这几段又变得轻松活泼了。不过这几段牵涉的背景知识太多，所以我就译慢一点了。' W9 C2 d) H. u4 @* K& p* P# {
$ M& d1 a2 y5 ^# N& y
我把那三个否 ...

用了否定句式确实生动多了，我还是拘泥于原形。

你参考了下面这个英文译文吗，分段不一样，第7段对应于原文第16段，就是用三个反问句来实现强调效果的。
http://www.yorku.ca/pswarney/Texts/pro-caelio-trans.htm
链接里没有给出翻译者信息，但这个应该是非常晚近的译本，直接就是美国法庭剧的台词，是对西塞罗本人的演说性翻译（ut orator）演说家翻译理论的成功实践。相比之下，Younge版本更接近于解释性翻译（ut interpres）。中央编译出版社的王焕生版《西塞罗文集》里面可能收入这一篇，他是从拉丁文直接译出的，要能找到，可以作为参考。百家争鸣，百花齐放，好过一枝独秀。

我还是按着Younge的版本来的，可能理解上有些问题，比如fix a suspicion处理成“质证、坐实怀疑”，结尾处则是先简化成
“he  thinks it(his conduct) open to him to attack the innocence of another"
和
“he has any reason to be afraid of anything on his own account.”
两个短句，我的理解是，西塞罗从辩护的角度出发，强调的是，凯利乌斯是在正当地行使自己的权力，认为自己的行为是实现这一目的的通路（thinks it open to him to attack...）。结合前面的“不明智，不认可”，说明西塞罗认为，这样的想法虽然没有什么不对，凯利乌斯本人也没有什么污点可担心，但想法过于简单，只考虑到自己勇往直前，对可能给他人带来的名誉破坏毫不介意。既然是辩护，那就是看似责备，实则回护。用江总的话说，就是”土样土森破，上台拿衣服“。那个被他批评的小姑娘后来还升职了，可为一证。

对于三个否定句的关系，我是这样考虑的，指控-质证-进一步指控，处理成强弱强，即“绝不-也不-更不”，比“不-更不-绝不”的弱强强要好些，最好是能体现出“强强强”，但找不到合适的字眼。

我的译文如下：

16.2  他不至于疯狂到哪怕自己染上行贿劣迹，还去指控他人行贿；
16.3  他也不至于一边给自己谋求贪腐的永久通行证，一边去质证他人的这项嫌疑。
16.4  他更不至于明知自己可能落到被指控贿选的险境，还一再用这个罪名指控他人。
16.5  虽然他的所为并不明智，我也不认可，但仍应该这样看：
16.6  很明显，一个人能够如此行事，他考虑的是用这种办法来攻击他人的清白，却毫不担心别人攻击自己。

16.2 For Caelius would never have been so insane as to accuse another man of bribery, if he had stained himself with that mean practice of corruption,
16.3  nor would he seek to fix a suspicion of such conduct on another, when he wished to obtain for himself perpetual licence to commit it.
16.4 Nor if he thought there was a chance of his being put in peril but once on an accusation of corruption would he twice over prosecute another man on the same charge.
16.5  And although his doing so is not wise, and is against my will, still it is an action of such a sort,
16.6 that it is plain that a man who conducts himself so, rather thinks it open to him to attack the innocence of another, than that he has any reason to be afraid of anything on his own account.

最近在看《文理和合本》耶经，发现翻译水平确实很高，只是生不逢时，赶上白话文取代文言文。顺手也半文半白地翻译了一下这一段游戏之作：

16.2  行贿自污于前，而诉人行贿于后；虽狂人亦不至于如此！
16.3  谋一世贪腐之权于中，而证他人此罪于外，未之有也！
16.4  早知行贿罪名之将至，而一再诉他人以此罪，非彼所为！
16.5  彼之所行，固不智也，亦非我所愿，然当做如是观：
16.6  明哉其人其行，所虑不过籍此质人之清白；岂患人之质己于丝毫！

石工 · 发表于 2016-8-13 09:53:22

本帖最后由石工于 2016-8-13 13:40 编辑

据说Clodia长这样

石工 · 发表于 2016-8-17 10:20:49

dynthia 发表于 2016-8-15 19:41
# l& [7 a) q+ ^! r! G# ^! G我把这幅画描绘的原诗也试着直译一下附在这儿吧：

这个诗用古诗形式翻译另有味道。
本来不想破坏队形，放到点评里，但版面效果不好，就在这里打个岔。

佳人有宠雀       麻雀儿，我那姑娘的宠爱之物
呵护常在心       跟它玩耍，将它贴近心口，
玉指引频啄       向追寻的它伸出指尖，
一啄宠一深       诱引它尖锐的啄咬，都是她惯常所为，
伊人我所思       我渴望的
光华岂可近       光彩照人的爱人啊
尔尔寻常物       她喜欢把随便什么小东西
爱之复又亲       称作她的心爱，
郁情得所寄       还把那当作对她的痛苦的安慰，
可以慰苦辛       我想，这样她的沉重的激情可以略为安宁，
我欲化为雀       啊，我希望也可以像它一样与你玩耍，
解忧来娱君       平息悲伤的心中的种种烦恼！

石工 · 发表于 2016-9-13 23:26:17

本帖最后由石工于 2016-9-13 23:31 编辑

dynthia 发表于 2016-9-13 00:30
* W: l8 f5 m1 |3 V* G( L[68] 不过啊，那些奴隶，已经由她的族人们——一群最为高贵最为出色的先生们——决议解放了*。总算，我们找 ...

第70节很精彩，很有四两拨千金的气势。前面的那么多铺垫，到这里亮出了剑：公器不容私用。把法律拔
的越高，就越显出这个审判本身的荒谬。最后一句像是把气球戳破了的感觉。

我根据Yonge的英文版译了一下凑个热闹，尽量把法庭辩论的气势体现出来。

1. 诸位审判员，我在此已经全面陈述并总结了案情。
2. 对于这个提交给你们裁决的案件，你们现在知道了它有多重要，你们的责任有多重大。
3. 在你们主持审判这项暴力指控的时候，依据的是这样一部法律：
4. 它事关国家主权、尊严和利益；保障所有人的生命人身安全；
5. 在同胞们干戈相见，共和国危在旦夕的关头，昆图斯·卡图鲁斯通过了这部法律；
6. 曾经疯狂燃烧的阴谋火焰虽然已在我的任内平息，正是这部法律熄灭了它的残烟余烬。
7. 现在，这部法律却被用来扼杀马库斯·凯利乌斯的青春，并非出于国家利益而实施惩罚，
8. 仅仅是为了满足一个女人的骄纵淫欲。

1. The cause has now been fully stated by me, O judges, and summed up.
2. You now understand how important an action this is which has been submitted to your decision; how serious a charge is confided to you.
3. You are presiding over an investigation into a charge of violence;
4. —into a law which concerns the empire, the majesty of the state, the condition of the country, and the safety of all the citizens;
5. —a law which Quintus Catulus passed at a time when armed dissensions were dividing the people,
and when the republic was almost at its last gasp;
6. —a law which, after the flame which raged so fiercely in my consulship had been allayed, extinguished the smoking relics of the conspiracy. 7. Under this law the youth of Marcus Caelius is demanded, not for the sake of enduring any punishment called for by the republic,
8. but in order to be sacrificed to the lust and profligate pleasures of a woman.

你给的约克大学版本链接指向学校首页，我找到的约克版本是这样的，和你的应该不是一个版本：

My plea is spoken and done, gentlemen of the jury.
Now you understand what matters of weighty import depend on your decision.
You have been impaneled to judge a case of aggravated assault.
The law involved is the one Quintus Catulus passed when the stage was almost on its last legs during armed civil conflict.
It is a law vital to the sovereignty, majesty, and well-being of our country,
a law that safeguards the lives and persons of all,
a law under which the last smoking embers of conspiracy were extinguished after the main conflagration had been stamped out in my consulship.
And this is the law now being invoked to put Caelius' young head on the block, to satisfy,
not the exigencies of the nation, but the lust and caprice of one woman.

		自动登录	找回密码
密码			注册

[语言] 翻译练习：西塞罗的pro Caelio

点评

点评