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百兽越狱之十四 告诉你什么是刺头 下 【儿童不宜】
本帖最后由 萨苏 于 2012-12-28 14:41 编辑
【爱吱声论坛专用文档，谢绝转载】
饲养员们不与豪猪硬拼是可以理解的。对于遭遇战时，豪猪抵抗之凶猛顽强，人类早有充分认识。
著名的雕齿兽，比起豪猪来未免太过消极
豪猪比仅仅消极防御的雕齿兽或者甲龙装备要先进得多，在遭遇猛兽袭击，或者抗拒人类残害时，豪猪会发出噗噗的怒吼，身上的锋利棘刺根根直坚起来，一根根利刺，如同马其顿长枪阵的枪林，并互相碰撞，发出哗哗的声音来威慑对手。如果对方不识相继续进攻，豪猪就会调转屁股，身子倒退，举着全身的长枪向敌人冲去。豪猪与其他草食动物相比，可算是一个坚强不屈的勇士。即便对手将要把它吃掉，豪猪还会使出最后一手，在垂死之际用满是利刺尾巴猛击对方头部，往往造成同归于尽的后果。因为这个原因，一般猛兽如果不是饿极了，轻易不敢去招惹它。
豪猪的刺是由毛发进化来的，所以在变成化石的时候比较难以保存。同样的例子是犀牛的角。人们常常认为犀牛角和鹿角是一样的东西，实际上角质的犀牛角和豪猪刺性质相似，而驯鹿的犄角属于骨质，经不住岁月的磨蚀，难以形成化石。在苏联冻土层里面发现的披毛犀残骸，如果年代较远，常常皮和肉仍能保存，角却不见了，就是这个原因。
而这种刺的威力非常大。它十分犀利，针刺上长着倒钩，同时豪猪的刺和蜜蜂的针不同，刺中后容易脱落。因此如果击中对手，豪猪刺会留在肌肉里。对方很难清除这些硬刺，而一些品种豪猪的硬刺上还带有毒素，于是中招的往往凶多吉少，即便吃掉豪猪，自己也要付出惨重的代价。
题图那张倒霉的狗狗，与豪猪苦战一场之后，竟然被拔出了一千多根刺 – 由此也可以看出这种叫做牛头的狗狗性格何等执拗，跟一头豪猪较了多大的别扭劲。如果不是兽医施行了全身麻醉，手术中疯狂的狗只怕比豪猪还危险。
让我们看看各种肉食动物碰上豪猪的命运吧。
狗狗只是试探了一下，结果是半贯通伤。
公狮子想吃豪猪
结果悲剧了
母狮子想吃豪猪
结果需要住院了
豹子想吃豪猪
结果一尸两命了
连狮子豹子都要退避三舍，你说它是不是称得上刺头？
天，上帝既然让我们当猛兽，干嘛生出豪猪这类玩意儿来折磨我们呢？！
豪猪只有碰到一类动物时缚手缚脚，那就是人。在人类面前，豪猪的箭刺几如儿戏。比如江湖人称得州打猪将的东湖兄，面对坚盔厚甲的穿山甲尚且如此描述 – “它那身铠甲，在枪械面前就是渣渣，威力最小的小口径运动步枪就是非常理想的工具，其他大口径的步枪我看是不能用，否则一枪就碎了。”假如豪猪遇上他，命运可想而知。即便是宜昌的饲养员，虽然面对豪猪缺乏单挑的勇气，但借助工具也能够轻易让这种凶悍的动物丧失抵抗能力。
不过，我想豪猪们遇到这种正常的人类还算幸运，若是碰上比较变态的，那就惨了。
比如巴布亚新几内亚人，他们会努力捕捉豪猪，但并不是为了吃肉。而是为了拔豪猪的刺，这是当地人用作箭头的好武器。还有中国古代的女子，会拿豪猪的刺当装饰品。根据合肥方面报道，他们那儿抓住一头出逃的豪猪，掉下来的刺便被一帮大妈大姐们揣走了。
拔两根，做个簪子
很难想象，被拔光了刺的豪猪是什么表情。不过，如果您到宠物商店，看看那些被剃光了毛的狗，瞧瞧它们茫然而羞怯的表情，可能有点儿近似的认识。
不过，还有更变态的。
比如，美国佛罗里达州有这样的法律 – 禁止人和豪猪性交。
由于是遵循判例法的国家，美国有种种匪夷所思的法律，以下是老萨收集到的一批怪异的东东 – 联邦法规定，美国公民每周四晚六点以后不得放屁。在阿肯色州，男性可以合法殴打其配偶，但每月最多一次。在印第安纳州，任何年满18岁的男性，若与17岁以下的女性发生性关系，而且当时她又没穿鞋袜，那将课以重罪。该州并以法律形式规定圆周率在该州为四。在新泽西州，规定欣克利这样的杀手谋杀时自己不得穿防弹背心。最诡异的应该是哥伦比亚特区，竟然规定无论处男或者处女，只要与他人发生性行为就是违法 – 估计如果认真遵守这条法律，当地人只好先把子女送到其他各州，完成某种仪式后才能回家结婚了。
这些法律如今大多数名存实亡，在这个对法十分尊重的国度也无人在意。
但是，对于豪猪，偏偏有人认真起来。
2009年5月，根据《环球时报》报道，俄罗斯两男子在美国酒后与豪猪性交遭刺伤。据说这一消息最初来自美国世界日报20日，称俄罗斯两名男子到美国寻求刺激进行旅游，因为拿到一本介绍美国最怪法例的小册子，对其中一条佛罗里达州法例—“严禁跟豪猪发生性行为”留下深刻印象。两个喝多了威士忌的俄国人尝试触犯一下这条法律，真的发动周围朋友找来了一头豪猪，并……真的与豪猪圈杀了一番！结果第二天早上两人都极为不适，在当地医院无法解决的情况下，不得不紧急坐飞机前往洛杉矶专门的医院求助，医生从他们的生殖器官上拔出若干豪猪刺，但由于发炎，他们回国后显然还须接受长期治疗。俄国媒体报导，这两位猛人是32岁的安东与30岁的叶夫根耶，他们是因好奇心加上酒意才找来一只豪猪做出如此怪异之事。
刚刚看到这篇报道时，老萨以为是愚人节的新闻，非常怀疑是不是真的有这样的事情，与豪猪圈杀……这实在不似人类的行为，要是刺猬或者针鼹还差不多，好歹都是长刺的，有经验不是？
针鼹，一种生蛋的哺乳动物，与鸭嘴兽是近亲，估计它做不出强奸豪猪这样的事情来
然而，还真让我查到了相关的英文报导，而且确实和四月一日没关系，竟像是真的！
特摘录如下，奇文共赏 –
“Russian tourists try to break Florida law having sex with porcupine
18.05.2009
Two Russian tourists paid a very high price for breaking the American law which bans sex with porcupines.
Staying in Florida on vacation, two Russians from Saint Petersburg decided to check whether they are able to circumvent such an unusual law or not.
Consequences appeared to be very sad. The poor fellows had to take needles from their genitals and treat inflammation for several months.
Having arrived in the USA, the Russians were given the book about the craziest American laws. For example, in Colombia sex - other than in a missionary position - is forbidden; in Kentucky it is forbidden to bring a lion to a movie theater; in Florida it is strictly forbidden to have sex with porcupines!
As it is known, forbidden fruit is always sweet, especially for Russians.
Doctors at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center made the following diagnosis: 'needles of a porcupine in genitals'.
At first 32-year-old Anton and 30-year-old Eugenie had a good laugh at the senseless law written by local authorities. And then, after helping themselves with whisky, they decided to break this funny law.
“We came here to the USA to have fun!” said Anton and the two friends started their searches for the so called American "hedgehog". It took them less than an hour to find the animal.
With victorious shouts the drunken friends dropped their pants and started making unambiguous movements with their hips. Having sobered up the following morning the friends realized that they need medical help. So the animal-lovers had to go from the airport straight to hospital, Life.Ru reports.
Doctors of well-known medical center Cedars-Sinai diagnosed the case as ‘needles of a porcupine in genitals’.
“The most positive thing about the situation is that the Russian tourists did not have to stand trial in Florida. They left the state just in time,” said the doctors at the medical center.
Now American laws do not seem so funny to Anton and Eugenie. After returning to Moscow they had to get acquainted with Russian urologists: porcupine needles caused very strong inflammation.
The law in the US state of Florida specifically forbids having sex with a porcupine, and for a good reason, as two tourists from Russia discovered while trying to break it.
The Sunshine State is rather restrictive on what you can do between the sheets. No doing it if you are not married; no kissing your wife’s breast; no oral sex; no indulging in Kama Sutra; and absolutely NO SEX WITH PORCUPINES!
However two tourists from St Petersburg, Russia, decided to defy the wise instruction of Florida’s legal system and engage in lewd activity with the spiked beast, reports Tvoy Den tabloid.
The idea came to Anton, 32, and Evgeny, 30, after a long party with a lot of booze. A guideline into weird and outwardly dumb laws of different American states was its centrepiece, and the one about porcupines apparently caught the friends’ imagination.
“We’re here to have as much fun as we can,” decided Anton after a brief discussion, and the whole company went out into the Floridian woods in search of illegal pleasures. Unfortunately for them they found one.
The newspaper didn’t go into technical details about what happened next, but the next day both men, who spent the night taking a flight to Los Angeles, had to go to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center. The diagnosis was hardly unexpected: porcupine needles in the genitals.
The damage caused by the porcupine fighting for its honor was horrific. Both Anton and Evgeny had severe inflammation and nearly lost their private parts. At least they didn’t have to answer to the law, having left Florida before seeking medical help.“
再刺头的家伙，也吃不消这样的猛人啊。
我想，对豪猪来说，这是比去当种猪更可怕的遭遇。面对如此变态的人类，豪猪要是不逃，那才叫没有天理了。
【完】
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雷达卡
发表于 2012-12-27 11:56:59
显身卡
楼主
发表于 2012-12-28 13:49:14
